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Guidelines for Use of Time Out |
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TIME OUT is a useful tool for assisting in successful communication, especially when one or more of the discussants is angry. It allows for a break in the action just long enough for each person to cool off and think about what the purpose of the discussion really is. Using TIME OUT minimizes the likelihood that harsh words will be spoken and feelings will be hurt, as often happens when anger gets out of control. Of course, it also greatly reduces the possibility of physical aggression.
As with any other skill, learning to use TIME OUT takes practice. Be patient with yourselves and keep these guidelines handy for quick reference during a discussion.
Any person may call a TIME OUT at any time during the discussion and all agree to an immediate break in the conversation. (Be sure to say, “I think we need a time out.” Do NOT say, “I think you need a time out.”)
During the TIME OUT each person goes to a separate room for 10 minutes and sits quietly. It is NOT time to talk or to try to persuade anyone else. Use this time alone to review what it is you want the other(s) to know and understand. What do you think the other(s) want you to know and understand? Why do you think this conversation is upsetting to each of you? What can YOU do differently to be understood without becoming increasingly upset?
After 10 minutes, the person who called the TIME OUT should initiate the return to the discussion. Try to keep in mind what your goals for the talk are and how important to successful and respectful communication is to keep yourself in control.
If the discussion becomes heated again, an additional TIME OUT should be called and the same rules apply. That is, anyone may call it and each person should immediately find a quiet place to think for 10 minutes before trying again to talk.
If there is need to call a third TIME OUT, then the discussion should be discontinued until several hours later or the next day. Before ending the discussion, BE SURE to establish a specific time and place for when you will resume your talk. Try to let go of the anger for the present and use the time in between to cool off and to reorganize your thoughts.
Keep in mind that TIME OUT is not an opportunity to avoid discussing important issues, but rather a tool to keep those discussions on track, respectful, productive, and safe. It helps prevent destructive and hurtful name-calling and blaming and angry statements that are not truly meant. GIVE IT A TRY!! It gets easier and easier to use, and each of you will feel good about your ability to communicate successfully.
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